Time is an important factor in the dating process. The further along you are in your career, the less time you will have to devote to dating. Use your time wisely and pre-qualify your dates. Pre-qualifying simply mean that before you make the investment of time by going out dating.com scam on a date with a person, you should first make sure that that person meets your qualifications and/or expectations.
In the real world when you're shopping for something of high value like a car or house, you are always encouraged and sometimes required to be pre-qualified before you will be shown a new car or house. These sales people and companies don't want their time wasted by Lookie Lous and Chatty Cathie's. This is a successful approach for salespeople to closing more sales. You should adopt the same philosophy when you're dating. dating.com review Pre-qualify your date to make sure there not going to take up your precious time. In order to find out how much this person is worth to you in time, take the opportunity to pre-qualify them.
What are you looking to get out of the date
You should know before you begin dating what you expect to get out of the dating process. Are you looking for companionship, someone that you can go to dinner and movies with? Or are you looking for something that will lead to marriage? Or maybe you are looking for a non-committed sexual relationship. Whatever you're looking for, dating.com scam make your intentions clear, and ask your prospective date to make their intentions clear to ensure you both want the same things.
Know exactly what you're looking for
Have in your
mind and/or write down on paper, the type of person you're looking to date. Do
you want someone reserved or out-going? Athletic build or skinny, short or
tall, I think you get the general picture. If your prospective date doesn't
have the 'look' you're looking for, keep looking.
Develop a set of standards and stick to them
This might be the single most important aspect to dating. Developing a set of standards and sticking to them is like using a GPS or map to get you to unknown places. Dating for most people is unknown territory with the destination to be determined at a later date. dating.com review A set of standards is your guide to navigating the unknown roads of dating.
In developing a set of standards you should write the moral, ethical, religious, political, familial, and/or professional characteristics you are looking for. If you want to date a professional person with strong family values, who's a Christian, the lawyer who's not sure they want a family and is agnostic would not be a good dating decision. dating.com scam Write down all the qualities, traits, and strengths you are looking for in a partner and make sure you stick to it. Don't veer of course.
Check list your date After you developed your own set of standards and know that you won't comprise them, use them as a checklist for prospective dates. If your prospective date doesn't 'check off' on your list of standards, it's a safe bet that they won't check off in life with you either. Anytime you begin to compromise your standards you will then be compromising the value that you put on your relationship. dating.com review So if you don't want to devalue your relationships, don't devalue standards.
Make inquires through family, friends, and associates
Basic due diligence through family, friends, and or business associates are all smart things to do. When inquiring, ask about their temperance, likes/dislikes, personality traits, and other non-invasive things that will give you an insight to the person you're considering dating. When you know basic information about your prospective date and when you're honest with dating.com scam yourself, you'll know already if this person is going to be suitable for dating before you go on the date.
Take a Mini-date
A Mini-Date
is a great way to pre-qualify your date before you go on an extensive date.
Don't know what a mini-date is?
Have an
evening chat
I'm not talking about of the online variety type were anybody can say or do or be anything they want to be. I am talking about a phone conversation in which you can listen to their voice and their inflection, and you can ask probing questions. You can do all those things dating.com review that you would normally be able to do in person, without having to be there next to the person.
Dating can
be a very frustrating experience. I'd like to share with you some dating advice
for men and women that could jumpstart your next date!
Don't you
wish you could go onto your favorite online dating website and punch in all the
characteristics and qualities of your ideal mate and then, abracadabra that
person appears custom made for you?
If you are
smart and focused, dreams can come true. First, you need to figure out the
information that you would need to input into that computer.
1. You must be honest with yourself and know yourself well.
Consider what your values are while you sit in a nice, quiet place. Values are what you treasure - they are the things that are really important to you. Reflect upon your peak experiences in your life. dating.com scam What made them peak experiences? For example, I love skiing where I am enjoying the beautiful pristine nature and having the feeling of flying down the slopes. My values here are nature and the feeling of freedom.
Another peak
experience is giving my husband his recent birthday party. I sent out festive
invitations, picked a fabulous restaurant, all our close friends were with us,
and my husband was thrilled. The party was a hit! From this, you can see my
values are accomplishing something out of the ordinary, being with our close
friends and my husband's happiness.
To know yourself well, you also need to get a firm handle of what goals you have in life. What do you want to accomplish in the next year? The next three years? What's your 10 year plan? If you had all the money in the world and nothing to stop you (i.e., any family obligations you dating.com review may currently have), what would you want to do? What's your top 20 list of the things you would like to do most in the next 10 years?
Why consider
all these relationship questions? The reason this is important, is that you
want to choose to date people who have similar values as yourself. Also, if you
have a life goal that is in conflict with the person that you are dating, this
may be a deal breaker. For instance, one of my clients loved the New York area
and wanted to live there. The woman he met through an online dating website
lived in the Boston area and wanted to remain there with her family and
friends. Although there was an attraction, the relationship did not work out
because they had different goals on where they wanted to live.
The worst
situation is to be dating a person for a couple of months before discovering
that your goals are totally opposite. For instance, a big dividing point in
dating is whether or not you want children. This is a common relationship issue
among those who are in the single parent dating category. I had a client who
desperately wanted children and dated a guy for several months before finding
out he was adamant against having any more children. He was divorced with two
children. He didn't want anymore responsibility. She had already fallen in love
with him. It was a difficult choice for her, but she had to break up because
she knew her goal was to have her own family.
2. Know what your true "must haves" are for a relationship.
Make a list
of the things you must have in a relationship. It's okay if your list is 5
items long or 30. It's your list. It may be wise to question whether your
non-negotiable is truly non-negotiable or just a want or desire. For instance,
some of my "must haves" for a partner were he had to be a non-smoker,
had to like (love?) cats, had to be the same religion as I, to have no
addictions (alcohol or drugs), and have a steady job and is financially
responsible and would support me in my endeavors. Some of my desires were, it
would be great if he played tennis, enjoy cultural activities, likes the beach
and lived in the DC area. However, I could compromise and live without the last
group or find other people to enjoy these things with.
By knowing
your "must haves", you will be able to skip over dating people who do
not meet your real needs. This will save you time and heartache in the long
run.
3. Choose wisely the people you date
Based upon
the above knowledge you have gained about your value, needs and wants, it best
serves you to decide carefully to choose with whom you spend your time. It is
also important to be open to date people who seem like they would be a good
match who may not totally "wow" you at first. Some relationships are
like smoldering fires and they grow hotter and brighter with time. In contrast,
those relationships that are like bonfires at first, may be based on lust and
don't usually last very long.
Actually,
there have been studies that have shown that women on their first date with a
guy may not have been crazy about their dates, but for some reason decided to
give the guy a second chance. Many of these women did actually marry the guy!*
Do pay
attention to your internal warning signal or your whacko alarm! If something
doesn't seem right when talking to the person over the phone, or by your email
interactions, then don't pursue it. Your instincts are usually on target.
When you
meet someone where your values mesh, then there is a feeling of familiarity. It
feels comfortable and you find that you understand each other well. Then add on
the same life goals, and shazam! The relationship will just click. It's that
simple. Don't waste your time with cute, but inappropriate people unless your
time is of little value to you. Choose your dates wisely, and you will have a
more enjoyable and hopefully successful dating experience.
4. Be the most attractive you!
Next we're
going to talk about your image. Your image matters. According to my research,
sloppiness and poor grooming are the top dating turnoffs. Therefore, it is
important to make yourself the most attractive person that you can. No matter
what you have to work with, one may be able improve with regards to hair,
grooming, clothes and weight. Actually, several of my heavy clients that have gotten
married. They are able to carry their weight, they have beautiful faces and
dress to make the most of their shape. Here are my suggestions:
Comments
Post a Comment